You could easily say that 2016 was one of the best years for hip-hop in recent memory, but who had the BEST year? The contributors at Artistic Manifesto submitted their pick of which artist had the biggest 2016, and wrote a speech from that artist’s perspective. Now it’s up to you, the reader, to decide who should be the 2016’s President of Hip-Hop.
The mood that evening was very gloomy, as thousands of codeine-infused adults stood silently on the lawn of the White House in Washington, D.C., awaiting the arrival of their soon-to- be leader. As the moonlight illuminates their dark souls, and the pink liquid overflows in their Styrofoam cups, you can hear their deep breaths being taken.
Suddenly, the loud sounds of helicopter blades interrupts the peaceful harmony as all in attendance stood in formation, right hand to their hearts, and their heads nodding in a trance-like manner to the sweet symphony of “March Madness” playing subtly through the helicopter speakers. The street lights dim, the helicopter lands, and the greatest musician of all time, Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn, better known as Future, exits.
He slowly walks to his podium, footprints of too much sauce left behind him, and he lifts his head as to tell the crowd everything is going to be okay. The crowd is cheering and signs are being displayed with quotes such as “Your Future Depends On It”, “Make Your Future Great Again”, and “My Past Does Not Depict My Future!”
Taking a deep breath, smiling into the crowd of supporters, he speaks:
“It is with the utmost respect and dignity that I thank you all for supporting me. It’s been a long and tiring 56 nights, but we’ve made it. Many flags have been held high and many cups have been filled. While traveling through this campaign, this Summer Sixteen, I’ve come to realization that our presence is needed during these times of sleep aide music.
The world is in need of a new future! Child support numbers are through the roof but we stand tall and we fight! The oppressors are wicked, wicked, wicked, wicked, but we are stronger. They are making a monster out of us and are expecting us to sit quietly. Today it is time to go into beastmode.
There are many artists who have imitated the campaign but none have come close to duplicating the tears we’ve cried while going codeine crazy. We must dress in our finest peacoats and remember that there is no enemy who can fill these Gucci flip flops. The world is oversaturated by naysayers and doubters, but I always tell myself one thing: there is no panda alive that can replicate our effort!”
AMERICA! THE FUTURE IS NOW!!!!!!
*The crowd cheers as the clouds gather, changing in color to resemble the cover of DS2 as they slowly precipitate. Drops of Actavis fall on the heads of the supporters and its thick purple fluids drip off of their temples. Far away in Richmond, VA, residents say you can still hear the echoes of supporters chanting “PHEW-CHUR! PHEW-CHUR! PHEW-CHUR!”*