This isn’t an album review.
This is bible study.
On Valentine’s Day, God sent his only begotten son to announce the release of his new album, Future. We won’t call it self-titled, we’ll call it self-loved. And hey, I know what you’re thinking, too. “Oh, the album just dropped. You’re downloading leaks! That’s not right!” Gah-damn right I downloaded the leak. I wouldn’t be installed with the fear of God if I didn’t download the leak and spread the word of faith. You going to either be mad or accept this blessing.
Okay, so let’s start with the introductory track, “Rent Money” because I went into this album happy as hell – like my father really showed up this time. I thought Future was about to come off on some hustling shit but yo! My man is talking about engaging in sexual activity with another rapper’s spouse and noticing the sex is better when the rent is due. And it’s fire! That’s it, I might not have sex again until March 1st.
“Your baby momma f*cks me better when the rent’s due” – Future McKnight [“Rent Money”]
Future follows up with “Good Dope” and then “Zoom,” a song with the purpose of reminding us that our God is amazing and serves all people. Your shoulders automatically bounce and your arms raise as to scream hallelujah while your co-workers give you a side eye. “Draco” slowly infiltrates the soundbites of your speaker system and that’s when you’ll lose it.
“Draco season with the book bag, rat-tat got a little kick back. Hundreds-on-hundreds, got a good batch. You will never, ever get your b*tch back” – Future Vandross [“Draco”]
Just have her Future. H A V E H E R !
“The top come off the lamb’ ‘cause I’m a super trapper. My pockets on Fat Albert, I’m a super trapper.” is the first line to “Super Trapper” and is sure to inspire everyone in your office. Play this for your manager when sales are low and your commission check is going to be fire AF. On “POA,” Future tunes into his Monster-Future-Days and demands a Power Of Attorney prior to spending millions. He then informs us about the brand new Mercedes Benz he just purchased for each one of his children’s mothers. That’s like fifty-six cars.
Track seven is called “Mask Off” and is followed by “High Demand,” which is self-explanatory. During a time of lost faith and wig-wearing-presidents, Future’s biblical presence is necessary. “Outta Time” is a lullaby to the high class while ‘Scrape” pays tribute to the kitchen he practiced culinary arts in. The bounce on “I’m So Groovy”, is so contagious you have to text the lyrics with the slam effect. “Might As Well” and “Poppin’ Tags” serve as motivation to spoil yourself because, well, you deserve it.
“I gave her more wood than a cabin” – Future Saadiq [“Massage In My Room”]
“Flip” is a gah-damn jam with a skit at the end (as previous tracks also have) called Cap-City Podcast that features the familiar voice of “Got It All” from 56 Nights. And of course Future wouldn’t be our savior if he didn’t create a classical for the ladies in our lives. That’s exactly what he did on “When I Was Broke” and thanked a mysterious female friend for staying with him while his financial status wouldn’t allow him to buy his children’s mothers new Mercedes. To close out the project, he nonchalantly cries on “Feds Did A Sweep” as he reminisces of his closest pals who are incarcerated.
People, you don’t have to admit it to me, but you have to accept Future as your father. You must confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that NayVadius is here to save us from domination. When your Chipotle isn’t as good in the microwave because you paid for guacamole, listen to FUTURE and appreciate what you do have in life because there are people who still have to listen to Desiigner.
Carmelo Marcus is a business owner and creative director with a love for simple fonts, Jordan 3’s, and 56 Nights.